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On sense, sensibility, and…well, sea monsters:

Story One: A few months ago, after I’d read both Pride and Prejudice and Emma for the first time, I attempted to tackle Sense and Sensibility. I… didn’t like it.  I found Marianne exceedingly annoying and her sister Elinor just as boring.  To be fair, I didn’t get very far into the novel.  I put it down about a third of the way of the way through intending to get back to it later… one day.

Story Two:  I read Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Seth Graham-Smith in September and thought it was just okay.  Ultimately, I thought it could have been funnier and/or scarier than it was.  Besides, to be honest, every time I picked it up, it just reminded me of how much I’d rather have been reading the original.  After I finished P&P&Z, I was ready to give up on the whole “horror parody of classic literature” thing.

But then.  Then I heard that the author of Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters had been more creative with his material than Graham-Smith had been (which was a big complaint of mine).  Then, I was entirely too tickled with this delightfully cheesy book trailer.   Then, the publisher of P&P&Z was kind enough to offer me a review copy of Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters and I was too intrigued (and too weak) to pass it up.

I will say that Ben H. Winters, the author of this latest parody, has very skillfully integrated the sea monsters into the Sense and Sensibility storyline.  He has done a much better job, in that respect, than Graham-Smith did with his zombies for Pride and Prejudice.  In S&S&SM, the sea monsters really do seem to be an integral part of the story.  The water is a dangerous place in the world of Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters and Winters never lets the reader forget it.  Take, for example, this scene which interrupts a perfectly pleasant party on the beach:

The water rushed yet farther up the beach and was suddenly gathered around their ankles, and from it rose a great scrabbling thing, a jellyfish twice the size of the largest man present, which presently dragged itself puckering and groaning from the tide.  The stewards succumbed to fear; Elinor, observing tremulously from her position at the bonfire, saw one of the guards literally quaking at the knees, another sprinting full-bore inland.  Only Sir John had the decisiveness and fortitude equal to the danger at hand; his advanced years seeming to melt away, he lept in a swift movement to the bonfire, seized a burning ember, and proceeded to the water’s edge to confront the fiend.

The gibbering sea-beast was meanwhile demonstrating itself to be faster than any creature lacking legs or other apparent means of locomotion ought naturally to be; indeed, unnatural was but the mildest appellation this massive man-o’-war might justifiably bear.  Before Sir John could reach it with his torch, it threw itself in three great wet, slavering motions across the beach and launched its sickening bulk across an unfortunate girl named Marissa Bellwether.

As the party watched in stunned horror, Miss Bellwether was wrapped inside the quavering blanket-shape of the beast and consumed, the stomach acids of the enormous jellyfish dissolved her flesh, emitting a sickening sizzling noise, followed by a sort of unholy belch.  And then, as quickly as it had come, the creature dragged itself back into the sea; the tide withdrew; and all that was left of Miss Bellwether was a pile of corroded bones, a clump of hair, and a whalebone corset.

Now that is what I call writing a monster into an original text.

I’m only a third of the way though this book, but I think I’m definitely enjoying it more than I did P&P&Z. I’m sure this is not only because Winters has been more creative with his material than Graham-Smith, but also because I didn’t like the original text all that much to begin with.  In fact, even with the inclusion of sea monsters, I’m still finding it hard not to be annoyed by Marianne and bored by Elinor.  But, who knows?  Maybe by the time I finish S&S&SM, I’ll like the story enough to want to read the original.  It is, after all, Jane Austen, and even when her characters are annoying and boring I love her.  It seems that I even love her when sea monsters are devouring her characters in the middle of a party.

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